Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Health Care That Makes Sense

As discord in Washington grows over his proposed Public Health Care initiative, President Obama has offered a few new “creative components” to make it more palatable to politicians, insurance companies and the medical practitioners:
  • For every five public-funded patients seen, doctors receive a free pizza from Dominos.
  • Breast exams will remain fully funded, but patients have the option to pay for an exam performed by an NFL quarterback of their choice (Brett Favre’s eligibility within the plan is dependant on his retirement status).
  • Birth control is covered. Viagra is not.
  • Parents who call an ambulance for any of the following childhood ailments: colds, flues, sniffles, tummy aches, nausea or mild diarrhoea will be punched in the mouth by the paramedic and be given a bill for twice the cost of the ambulance ride, plus expenses.
  • Tattoo removal will remain uncovered, even if you were really, really, really drunk.
  • Lipitor is covered. Hydroxycut is not.
  • Prostate exams will remain fully funded, but patients have the option to pay for an exam performed by an NFL quarterback of their choice (Brett Favre’s eligibility within the plan is dependant on his retirement status).

10 comments:

Jaina said...

Lol, you make everything seem a lot less stressful Trooper. :)

Youngblood4ever said...

Heck, why does it take 500 pages to explain all of this to the politicians? I'd like to get in on the NFL action- I'm scheduling my exam today. WOOHOO!

Mama Dawg said...

I'm on board!

Mama Dawg said...

At least for the NFL portion. Fingers crossed Brett can handle me!

Anonymous said...

Add a vasectomy by your favorite Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader and I think it will sail through both sides of the House!

Morgan the Muse said...

I am worried about how the answer to everything is... football. Maybe the nfl quarterbacks could do the paramedic part as well. I could see that.

tammy said...

I think I could get on board with this.

Except the NFL Quarterback should be paying me, not the other way around.

Swirl Girl said...

send it to the Hill! PLEASE

Trooper Thorn said...

Jaina: Booze will do that too, but thanks.

Youngblood: There is no waiting if you will accept a CFL quarterback.

Mama Dawg: Did you mean to say if Brett can "fit you in"?

Anonymous: Obviously you have not had any experience with the procedure. There is NOTHING the least bit sexual about it, cheerleader or not.

Morgan: It's not all about football. Sometimes it's hockey.

tammy: Nice. I admire your self-esteem.

Swirl Girl: Call your Congress Person today!

Jaina said...

Haha, but you're so much more fun.