Reports are out that the Green Bay Packers are willing to offer Brett Favre $20 Million over ten years to stay retired. I know the Packers have been reluctant to face dealing with their quarterback situation, but is this really the best use of their salary cap?
More importantly, how can I get paid a substantial sum to stay home? Granted I'm not likely to be inducted into any Information Technology Management Hall of Fame, no matter how many ballots they have, but if I set my mind to it, I could cause more disruption my attending work that by being absent. And I'll do it for significantly less than $20 Million. Here are my terms:
- $1 million/year for 5 years to remain in pants all day. $500K to wear shoes.
- $2 million up front for a 6 year agreement not to cook popcorn in the lunchroom microwave.
- $10K/week performance incentive to refrain from forwarding emails containing any of the following attachments: pictures of kitties, videos of crotch-related accidents, any endorsements of McCain, Obama or any third party kook who jumps in before November.
- $500K for one year without referring to any female co-workers as "Sugar" or "Honey". I don't do it now, but maybe I could get a little respect for being so enlightened all on my own.
That's it for now, but I'm sure my agent can come up with something.