If Horton Hears a Who, Does Someone Pay the Lawyers?

The family of Dr. Seuss (Theodore Geisel) have blocked efforts by the city of Louisville to re-brand itself as ‘LouWhoVille” for the Christmas season. Lawyers filed an injunction against using any representations from the beloved children’s classic “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” as part of the city’s holiday festivities. According to court documents, without licensed royalty payments, Louisville’s “Whoville” homage represented a significant copyright infringement. “We never meant any harm,” said a spokesperson for the city, “we thought the Grinch was part of the public domain.”

This decision has now opened the door to the families of other “originators” to trademark ideas and representations which are currently believed to be in the public domain. In a rush to judgement, we may all soon be paying royalties for the daily use of the following cultural elements:

Venn Diagram
Every time anyone draws two or more intersecting circles, the family of mathematician John Venn will receive seven farthings. Expect the cost of math and social science textbooks to soar.

Pythagorean Theorem
Building costs are expected to increase significantly as engineers and architects will be required to pay 100 drachmas to the estate of Pythagoras for every calculation of angles and area. Courts have reserved judgement on whether the Hypotenuse Clan is entitled to a percentage of any earnings.

Cartesian Graphs
Complications arose in determining the extend to which the axes of modern-day charts and graphs constituted any dualistic representation as defined by philosopher and mathematician Rene Decartes. In an uncharacteristic act of legal simplification, the courts have determined that the use of the letters “X” and “Y” together is sufficient trademark violation.

Electricity
As if the Franklin Mint didn't make enough cash all ready, access to the flow of all electricity across North America will now be controlled. Your local power company will remain intact but will pay $100/kilowatt hour for all consumption to the heirs of Benjamin Franklin. Better think twice before putting another strand of twinkle lights on the tree this year.

As of this writing, Coca Cola is building a case to finally claim complete ownership over all things “Santa”. Sorry Christmas, you’re just too damn expensive for us now.