Issue 1: "Pizza is better the next morning cold". No it's not. It's still good, but not as good as piping hot right out of the box. Even the next piece is significantly less tasty even if you put the box right back in the oven. There is a quantum degradation of pizza quality the more times the box is opened. Try this experiment for yourself. Order a pizza tonight but don't eat any of it. Jus
Issue 2: If good things come to "Those Who Wait" and good things come "In Small Packages", do really good things come to "Those Who Wait In Small Packages"?
Issue 2B: What about the "Early Bird Getting the Worm"? Wouldn't an early bird who waited get a better worm? What kind of worm comes in a small package?
Issue 3: If I can kill two birds with one stone, how many could I kill with two stones? Do they have to be thrown at the same time or one after another? How many could I kill with three stones and a pile of sticks? What if I used a billiard ball in a tube sock instead?
Issue 4: Why do we still say "close but no cigar'? Is there anyone alive today that remembers receiving a cigar as a carnival prize? I suggest we change the expression to "close, but no crudly made, Indonesian stuffed toy of a non-descript cartoon character."
Issue 5: If you are only willing to give a penny to learn someone else's thought, you really don't care a hell of a lot. Just say "tell me what you're thinking and I'll try to stay awake, you cheap bastard."
That's all I've got.
Happy Voting America!
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17 comments:
FIRST!!!!!
Yes, I'm 12.
That's all you got? That's plenty, believe me.
Oh, how I missed you. You gave me a much needed laugh.
I'm actually in good spirits but this just made it THAT much better.
So glad you're back. That other Canadian is getting freaked out my my frequent stalking. Now that you're back, I can go back to stalking you and the pressure will be off of him.
well ya know, with the price of copper going through the roof a penny should be worth even more than a cent.
I have often mulled over these sayings. Ben Franklin is probably rolling over in his grave.
BRAVO Trooper Thorn!
I have often thought the same thing..
also, why do people leave their tissue boxes on the back dashboard of their cars? What happens when they sneeze , which everyone knows you can't do with your eyes open - they have to reach around and get the tissues with 1/2 open eyes and boogers dripping down their faces!
and- what exatly does "pearls before swine" actually mean?
Glad your back!!
Oh man. Issue 5 is awesome!
Pizza's pretty good warmed up the next day, but point taken.
*Just say "tell me what you're thinking and I'll try to stay awake", you cheap bastard.*
Man, can you turn a phrase. Too freaking funny. So glad your move went well. We've missed you.
You SERIOUSLY crack me up!!!
Similar to the close but no cigar: "It only counts in horse shoes and hand granades". Try to figure THAT one out...
DUDE!
Thanks for the laugh!
My husband would tell you good things come in small packages.
Very happy voting indeed!
I agree - pizza is only good cold if you are at the tail end of a binger. Otherwise, not so good.
Comet's comment cracked me up - I was thinking many guys would agree with that "good things come in small packages" thing.
Cheap Indonesian stuffed animal - you crack me up Trooper! Glad you returned.
Amen to #1. Ewww.
But if you break the pizza into a bowl and pour beer over it you have the true breakfast of champions!
If I offer a penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents worth in, did we both make money on the deal or both lose?
Oh Trooper how I've missed you! I'm glad to finally be catching up. This was great!
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