Friday, September 19, 2008

Tidy Houses of the Visually Impared

Now that I am once again living with my old college roommate, I am finding the adage "Out of sight is out of mind" is alarmingly true. While we are both significantly cleaner and tidier that we were in our earlier twenties, we are still men. Full time management of a penis leaves only so much mental capacity for other trivialities like home economics.

I was pretty good at keeping things clean when I was on my own that last couple of years, but the two of us together just compound the other's cleaning fault of only attending to the things in plain view. For example:
  • The inside of the microwave is only messy when you happen to have it open to melt cheese on nacho chips. Once the door is closed again, the microwave is clean again.
  • Leaving the lid of the toilet seat down eliminates the need to scrub the bowl until the next time you happen to use it. The corollary is that standing up affords a better view of the need to clean, so I happen to do it more than when I was required to sit down to go Number 1.
  • Popcorn which falls on the floor and bounces under the couch no longer exists.
  • Everything in the closet is hanging neatly with nothing lying in a pile on the floor. Don't open the door to check, just take my word for it.
  • The dishwasher is a handy storage unit that requires operation only once a week, or when there are no longer any cereal bowls.

People who are blind must have absolutely immaculate homes.

21 comments:

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, shit. I keep forgetting to NOT read you blog when eating or drinking.

Hmmmm......a Little Debbie's Star Crunch half chewed looks kind of artistic on that Medicaid bill I needed to send off. Think they'll mind?

Man, I gotta quit reading you. I found yet ANOTHER quote I have to throw up on my blog.

Too funny. Especially the popcorn under the couch.

├╝berburber said...

mama dawg said "throw up on my blog"!

my most haunting memory from college roommates was splitting the flippin' phone bill each month. We had 7 girls in one house - nightmare!

only a movie said...

So you're saying this behavior is inherent in all penis managers, or just the ones you roomed with in college?
You are way too funny.

Jaina said...

Trooper, you make my day, like, all the time! Hey, I think those are all great things...out of sight out of mind can be amazing.

for a different kind of girl said...

My husband and boys are proof that these rules have been carried down through the ages.

Wep said...

Someone at some time in your life forced you to sit down to do number 1? I mean that's the one that doesn't make a mess anyway!

And keep up the good penis management work. It's a tough job but every man has to do it for himself ;)

A Free Man said...

Careful or you're going to dispel the truth that a Y chromosome makes it impossible to clean properly and thus make the men of the world have to do a bunch more housework!

lime said...

Full time management of a penis leaves only so much mental capacity for other trivialities like home economics.

and now i know the truth from a man himself. thank you!

that said, and woman who requires a male over the age of 4 to sit when he pees ought to be punished most harshly.

Swirl Girl said...

what time do we tap the keg and start yellin' TOGA, TOGA!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Just reading this gives me hives.

Mum-me said...

You certainly do have a way with words. My husband would have just said "What mess?" while staring straight at it. You had to blame it on 'penis management'. I finally begin to understand .... I think.

Life On The Tail Of A Comet said...

You sound like all the girls in the sorority house I lived in in college. It was way better than any of the Frat houses!
I'm w/ Mama Dawg,,,,but why does she have a cat pic if she's Mama Dawg?

Denise said...

I guess your dust bunnies hide, too, right??

sassy stephanie said...

Oh man. So true. I love the non-existing popcorn. Think that applies to Goldfish crackers in my house.

sassy stephanie said...

Oh, and the full time job of being a penis manager...priceless.

Cocotte said...

"Full time management of a penis" - that has got to be my favorite quote of yours EVER! You are too much fun, Trooper. But, I'd like to know why you are not posting about your dating escapades?? Just teasing....

Kristin said...

when my husband moved out for 6 months his menu was ceral and milk, accompanied by cable tv.

Alison Wonderland said...

My house is that clean too.

Rhea said...

haha This post was GREAT. I live in a household with all males, so I can attest to the veracity of these statements.

And right off the bat Mama Dawg and Uberburber had me laughing with THEIR comments.

Hilarious.

catscratch said...

Oh yah. Not only is this true with grown men, but teenagers as well.

=)

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT lift up the couch cushions......Yikes

- Jennifer